


What Happens in Vegas, Stays in Vegas

by softsadcancer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Dan Howell - Freeform, Drunkenness, Las Vegas, Las Vegas Wedding, M/M, Phandom - Freeform, Phandom Fic Fests: Bingo, Phil Lester - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-02
Packaged: 2020-11-22 03:22:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20867381
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softsadcancer/pseuds/softsadcancer
Summary: "Guess who's married!" Dan shouted at the camera, a small white veil on his head. "These gaylords!"---There's just something about Vegas air that makes you think everything sounds like a smashing idea.Even getting married.Completely smashed.





	1. Chapter 1: The Morning After

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the Phandom Fic Fest that's happening right now, and this fic's prompt is 'woke up married'!  
It was really fun to write this, and I can't wait to try the other prompts! :)  
Hope you guys like it!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Guess who's married!" Dan shouted at the camera, a small white veil on his head. "These gaylords!"  
\---  
There's just something about Vegas air that makes you think everything sounds like a smashing idea.  
Even getting married.  
Completely drunk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written for the Phandom Fic Fest that's happening right now, and this fic's prompt is 'woke up married'!  
It was really fun to write this, and I can't wait to try the other prompts! :)  
Hope you guys like it!!

The room was still dark. The only source of light came from the sun that shone through the slit of the curtain. You couldn't see it, but the room was a mess. There were mini empty bottles of alcohol on the floor, next to an abandoned pile of cards and a bowl that once held an assortment of fancy nuts. Over by the window were empty cans of beer, an uncapped Sharpie, and Phil's glasses, lying next to room's phone that was brought over so more alcohol could be ordered over without missing the view of what was going on down below in Vegas. There were clothes on the floor near the bed, some stained in the alcohol and mistakes of last night.

And in bed were two very hungover boys, dead to the world.

Well, almost.

Phil woke up first. He groaned softly as he opened his eyes, scanning the area as he tried to remember where he was. The alcohol bottles and beer cans screamed Vegas, as the memory of the night before was slowly coming back to him in fragments.

_There were definitely some drinks involved. Was there a game of Black Jack? I think there were nuts somewhere._

He looked down and saw some clothes thrown around. He slowly lifted the duvet to reveal that those were, in fact, his clothes and he was naked.

_What did I do?_

He groaned again as he turned his back to face the shred of light that blessed their room. His head was pounding as he felt the content in his stomach whirl around. Eyes closed and ready to sleep off the last night, threw his arm across the space of bed in front of him and made contact with a lump. And the lump made a sound.

"What the-" Phil sat up, regretting immediately as he winced and held his head.

"Shhh..." The lump groaned back, peeling back the duvet to reveal Dan.

"Oh, it's you," Phil sighed. 

"Of course it's me, you dingo," Dan slurred, annoyed as he pulled the duvet over his head. "Now shut up, my head hurts."

"Do you remember anything from last night?" Phil asked, falling back into bed. He slid his arms around Dan and pulled him closer He was so soft and warm and cuddly. Like a teddy bear.

"Hnngg..." Dan responded. He turned around to face Phil, hugging him back. "Am tired, sleep."

"Okay," Phil said softly. He pushed back Dan's hair to kiss his forehead when he realized he had something scribbled across it.

"What-" Adjusting his eyesight in the dark, he could make out an 'L'.

"Dan, you've something written on your forehead," Phil said.

"What?"

"You've something written-"

"I heard you the first time," Dan said, annoyed. "_What_ does it say?"

"I don't know, L something."

"L something?"

Phil yawned. "Wait, let me check."

Rubbing his temples in hopes it would give him some sort of relief from the pounding (side note: it didn't), Phil reached over to his side table to grab his glasses and realized they weren't there. Sighing, he decided to get out of bed and look for them. He wasn't in the mood to deal with having to put on contacts, and he didn't think Dan would be all too keen being his walking stick for the day. 

He switched on his bedside lamp, hissing at the sudden brightness, before readjusting his eyes to survey the room. He couldn't see much but there were things everywhere. He stared hard at the floor and tried to make out which one of those pieces of cloths was his underwear. After finding it, he quickly put it on and began the search for his glasses.

Dan clicked his tongue, and Phil could sense his annoyance. Dan sure was annoyed after a night out of drinking.

"Where are you going?" Dan whined. He reached his arms out for Phil, gesturing him to come back to bed.

"Glasses."

"Why?"

At that moment, Phil forgot why he got out of bed in the first place. Why did he need his glasses? He looked back at Dan and got his answer. Not just his forehead, his whole face was covered in scribbles. Was that cat whiskers he could see?

And apparently, Dan wasn't the only one.

"What's on your face?" Dan asked. He rubbed his eyes but stayed in bed.

"My face? What's on yours?"

Now Phil really needed his glasses. What was on his face? Did Dan draw a penis?

He finally found them by the empty cans and the Sharpie. Putting it on, he properly took in the mess that was their room. _Oh boy, I pity housecleaning._

"You've gone and written Lester on my forehead," Dan said, holding his phone to his face. "Along with cat whiskers and... did you draw an upside-down penis on my cheek?"

Phil looked back at Dan and laughed at what he saw. 

"Don't laugh, you don't look so great yourself, Mr. Amazing."

Phil smiled as rolled his eyes and walked towards the mini-fridge. He pulled out the bottled water and walked back to bed. "Why would I draw a penis?"

"Because that's what you like." Dan frowned, burrowing under the blankets. "Pervert."

"No, it's not a penis," Phil said, getting under the duvet and pulling Dan up. "Here." He passed him the bottled water. "Drink some."

As Dan drank, Phil surveyed his face. "That's not a penis, that's a rabbit. See? Those were the ears, and that's supposed to be a face."

"I don't know what weird rabbits you've been looking at to have you call this one a rabbit."

"What about me? What have I got?" Phil took Dan's phone and checked on his camera. Dan put the bottled water on his side table and cuddled Phil. "Well, you've gone and written Howell on my forehead and... and you _actually _drew a penis on me."

"Did I?" Dan squinted at Phil's face and laughed before holding his head. "Let me see... yup, that's a penis."

"See, you're the pervert."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Shut up."

Phil chuckled and reached over to Dan's side table and gently placed his phone. "I wonder what we got up to last night," Phil said dreamily as he hugged Dan.

"Something stupid, probably," Dan yawned. "We were both pretty drunk."

"Smashed, I'd say. I don't remember anything."

"Me neither. At least not yet."

"Hmmm."

They stayed in each other's arms for a little while longer until Phil felt the sudden urge to pee.

"Pee, love," Phil whispered, untangling himself from Dan.

Another click of his tongue. "Noooo..."

But Phil was out of bed, making his way to the toilet.

"I just realized I'm naked," Dan said, stretching.

"Just?" Phil smirked.

"I also realized you're _not _naked."

"I was, trust me."

"I forgot what you looked like, show it to me again."

"Ha ha, very funny, I'm gonna go pee."

Just as he was about to turn into the bathroom, Dan said, "Why does your back say 'married'?"

"Huh?"

Phil tried to turn his head to see what was written. "Where?"

"Hang on," Dan took his phone and took a picture. "See?"

Sure enough, the word 'married' was there, scribbled in big block letters in what Phil could only imagine was with the Sharpie he's found earlier. He and Dan stared at the photo, then each other. "You don't think-"

"Of course not! I mean-"

"Right, because we were so drunk-"

"Absolutely smashed-"

"Completely hammered!"

"Exactly. We wouldn't- I mean, they wouldn't-"

"They wouldn't let us-"

"Of course not, we were out of our minds!"

"Couldn't even walk a straight line, let alone-"

"Do that!"

Silence filled the space between then as they stared at the picture. With trembling fingers, Dan opened his photo album, scared of what he would find. But surprisingly, there was nothing. The last picture he had was a selfie of him and Phil. So, surely nothing happened, right?

"We were probably having a laugh or something," Phil finally said, smiling. He held Dan's face and kissed him. "They wouldn't have let us, we were too drunk."

"Yeah," Dan's face still held doubt but Phil's kiss seemed to melt it all away. "Yeah, you're probably right."

"I'm gonna scrub all this off," Phil announced, walking back to the bathroom. He peeked out and smirked at Dan. "Care to help me?"

Without missing a beat, Dan got out of bed and walked to the bathroom, tripping over his clothes and hitting his food against something hard. Moving his clothes away, he found his camera. "Nearly broke you," Dan said, tossing it on the bed. "Wouldn't want to lose all the pictures and videos we've taken this trip." Dan smiled.

No, he didn't. Because little did Dan know, that camera was going to reveal all they needed to know of last night. As well as explain the 'Mr. and Mr. Howell-Lester' that was scrawled across his back.


	2. Chapter 2: The Night Before

After an hour of scrubbing of Sharpie ink from their bodies, they proceeded to clean up the mess their drunk selves made. Sure, there was housecleaning services, but they didn't think it was fair for them to come to a somewhat thrashed room, with clothes, cans and small bottles everywhere. They were raised better.

After about 20 minutes of cleaning, they sat on their unmade bed. Dan held the camera tightly. They didn't know what to expect. For all they knew, they probably didn't even take any pictures or videos. Neither his or Phil's phones had any proof of last night.

Maybe they were just really drunk, got bored, and scribbled on each other's back. Then they had drunken sex and passed out. Maybe they didn't even leave the room. Maybe they were overreacting.

Phil held Dan's hand. Dan squeezed it and switched on the camera and went to the album. Ho-ly _fuck_, were there so many pictures and 6 videos. Looking through the pictures only prepared them for the load of fuckery that were the videos.

"Oh _fuck_," Dan whispered.

"Oh fuck, indeed," Phil said.

They then proceeded to watch all the videos.

\---

"Hi guys!" Dan shouted, clearly drunk. "So Phil and I were here for Vidcon-"

"It was so great to meet so many of you!" Phil pushed Dan's face to get in the frame and waved.

"Shut up!" Dan pushed Phil and laughed. It was loud where they were, hence the shouting. "So we're here in the US and we thought, since we're here, why not come to Vegas and just, fucking, win the jackpot or whatever?"

The camera spun around to show everyone watching where they were at. "So this is Vegas! Look at all the bright and pretty lights! And that," Dan's pointing finger came into view. "Is where the casino is."

The camera turned to face Phil, who was laughing with his chest puffed out and arms crossed. "Time to become billionaires!"

The camera turned back to Dan's face. It was pretty pink. "Fuck yeah! Also, if you couldn't tell, we're _slightly-_"

"Oh shut up!" The camera is unsteady and suddenly moved out to reveal Dan doubling over in laughter, trying to cover his face. It seemed as though Phil took the camera of Dan.

Phil turned the camera to face him. "Dan couldn't even walk a straight line out of the bar we were at. The bartender had to stop giving him drinks because he was _that_ drunk."

"And what a bitch-" 

"Dan!" Phil scolded, turning the camera back to Dan.

"Listen," Dan walked up to the camera. "I paid for those drinks with my money, I'm paying for a service and I demand to be served."

"Okay, anyways," Phil said. "We're gonna try our luck at the casino, talk to you later, bye!"

"Bye bitch, we'll be billionaires when we return!" Dan shouted, smiling as he rested his head on Phil's shoulder.

\---

"So here's the casino!" Phil said, walking around, showing people playing the slot machines. "And over there," Phil pointed. "Is where they're playing those table games. We aren't allowed to film there so you'll have to see it from here." Phil zoomed the camera as far as he could to one of the games in action. "Casinooooo."

He turned the camera to his face and grinned. "Now let's go find Dan." Walking through all the slot machines, the camera finds a dejected Dan. 

"What happened, Dan?" Phil giggled, the camera moving into Dan's sulking face.

"I fucking lost $600 dollars," Dan crossed his arms and refused to look at the camera. "Some honest bullshit, honestly."

"Aww, poor Danny boy," Phil laughed. The camera got shakey as Phil stroked Dan's hair. "Anyways, who cares about this saddo?" Phil exclaimed, turning the camera to his beaming face. "I won $750!"

"Yeah, exactly!" Dan appeared into the frame. "That's the bullshit part. How the fuck did you win $750?"

"Beginner's luck?" Phil shrugged. He cupped Dan's hand with his free hand and brought Dan's face close to his. "It's okay, Dan, drinks on me tonight."

"Yeah, they better fucking be, I think I deserve something to drown all this sorrow of having lost $600 dollars."

"Alright, we'll see you later! Say bye, Dan!" The camera showed a still sulky Dan, but a ghost of a smile played on his lips as his eyes looked off-camera at Phil.

\---

"So I had this brilliant idea, right?" Dan said, camera facing him and Phil, his arms linked with Phil's. His face was proper red, and his hair was wet with sweat. There was poor hand coordination, as the camera swayed side to side. "After a couple of drinks, right-"

"Well okay, hang on," Phil interrupted, taking the camera from Dan. He laughed, his face equally as red. From laughter or alcohol, who knew? Phil ran his other hand through his sweaty black hair and pushed it back, creating a quiff. "To be fair, it was _my_ idea-"

"But I'm the one pushing for it to happen!" Dan grabbed back the camera. "So we thought, fuck it, let's get married!"

They laughed, attracting the attention of passersby who waved at the camera, some jumping into the frame and shouting out their Instagram handles.

"Fuck off!" Dan called out a couple of times. "So listen, it's no surprise, Phil and I are obviously more than friends-" He picked up Phil's hand, fingers intertwined with his as he showed the camera. "-and we really like each other, so like, _literally_,what's stopping us from getting married?"

Phil looked at Dan with nothing but love in his eyes; anyone watching the video could tell. That and his pupils were super dilated.

"We both like the same things, we've been living with each other for a while now, we're a good fit together you know?" Dan continued. "And Phil," He turned to Phil, holding his face with his other hand. "Thank you for everything, I'm so grateful for you!" He brought Phil's face to his lips and planted a kiss on his cheek. "Like, I don't know if I say it enough, but you're literally the best thing that's ever happened to me, like seriously."

Taken aback, Phil laughed shyly, hiding his face in Dan's shoulder. "Thanks, Dan."

"Like seriously, you guys, I was so _depressed _before I met Phil. Like, proper-"

Phil covered Dan's mouth and looked him straight in the eyes. For a moment, they just looked at each other, almost as if everything around them didn't matter. "Not tonight, I don't think they," Phil pointed at the camera. "Want to know about all that just yet."

"You're right, it's too depressing, because we're getting married, and that's supposed to be a happy thing," Dan nodded, as they continued walking. The camera continued to sway, Phil appearing and then disappearing from the frame.

"So let's fucking get married!" Dan shouted as he ran, dragging Phil who laughed as they ran.

"I'm drunk, I can't run!" Phil shouts, laughing. "I'm gonna throw up!"

\----

"Guess who's _married!_" Dan shouted at the camera, a small white veil on his head. "These gaylords!"

"Dan!" Phil exclaimed off-camera, followed by a giggle.

"What, it's true!" Dan shrugged, smiling at Phil. He pulled out a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket. "Check it out!" He looked off-camera again and smiled widely. "Hey, we're married!"

"That's great, honey!" A woman off-camera shouted back. "Good for you guys!"

"Did you see that? She- oh you didn't see that," Dan turned that camera to Phil, who was holding the small bouquet of fake white roses. "Did you see what she did?"

"She flashed us two thumbs up!" Phil said, flashing his own two thumbs at the camera.

"Anyways!" Dan turned the camera back to him. "We're married as _fuck_ now so we're going to enjoy our married lives and do what every married couple does after!" He turned the camera back to Phil. "What are we gonna do, Phil?"

Phil jumped in the air. "More drinks!"

Turning the camera back to himself, he flashed two thumbs up. "Fuck yeah!"

\---

It was just a short video of the bar they were at. The music was too loud for any form of conversation. Dan held the camera to Phil, who giggled as he held his drink to his mouth. Phil mouthed the word stop and took the camera from Dan.

Now Dan was in the frame as he held up his drink. His voice was muffled, but it sounded like, "To married life!" or "To my wife!"

\---

"So it got _way_ too loud where we were," Dan's face was in full-frame, with the word 'Lester' on his forehead and cat whiskers on. "So we decided to have our own party."

He turned the camera to Phil, who was shuffling the cards. There were those tiny alcohol bottles and a bowl of those fancy nuts. "We're having our own mini-casino," Phil slurred, leaning against the bed. He had cat whiskers on too, and the word Howell written on his forehead. "Mini casino. Mini- mini- minisino. Yeah."

"Also!" Dan exclaimed loudly. He turned the camera to face him again. "I've lost my veil! I'm no longer a bride! Some idiot must've nicked it or-"

"Maybe it fell off on our way up?" Phil's voice was soft. Dan turned the camera to him. "You were shaking your head a lot."

"Whatever," Dan said behind the camera. "At least I won't be losing any more money tonight. No money for this casino-"

"Minisino," Phil interrupted.

Dan sighed. "Okay, minisino. No money for this minisino because-"

"We're not broke!" Phil exclaimed, before covering his mouth and giggling. "Shh, Dan, you're too loud."

"That was you, you idiot!"

"Shhh!"

"Anyways," The camera turns back to Dan. "We're not playing for money because I always _lose _because Phil's a fucking cheater-"

"Hey!"

"No, I'm kidding," Dan's face softens. "I love you."

Phil's voice goes soft as he says, "I love you too."

"So we're playing," Dan's face disappears and the fancy nut bowl comes to view. "For these fancy nuts. But, between you and me," Camera pans back to Dan. "I know what nuts I _really_ want." Dan throws a seductive look at Phil. Nuts are thrown in Dan's direction.

"Shut up!" Phil's voice is heard, followed by a laugh. "Come, let's play."

"Okay, bye guys- wait, Phil, outro."

A shuffling sound is heard as Phil pops intro frame, resting his head on Dan's shoulder. 

"So that's- I guess that's our 'day in the life of Dan and Phil'," Dan said.

"Well, night," Phil said, snuggling into Dan's neck.

"Stop, ticklish!" Dan screeched. The camera goes a little wonky.

"Sorry!" Phil grinned. 

"Okay, whatever, hope you like whatever this was," Dan said, patting Phil's cheek. "Love you guys, like and subscribe or whatever. I'm drunk, he's Phil, see you guys next time."

"Bye guys!" Phil beamed, waving.


	3. Chapter 3: We'll Figure It Out

They sat in silence for a while. They had just finished watching those 6 videos and were trying to process what had just happened. Phil broke the silence. "Dan?"

Dan just looked up at Phil. "So, we're married."

"I don't know if it's official-"

"Phil." Dan got up and walked to his crumpled pair of jeans. He pulled out the crumpled certificate. "It says right here-"

"But surely, they wouldn't let two drunk-"

"Well, they did, Phil!" Dan burst out. "They did."

The room fell back into silence. Dan took a deep breath and sat on the bed, slightly away from Phil. He sighed and stared at the certificate. "So what now?" Dan's voice was slightly shakey.

Phil wanted to engulf him in a hug and tell him that everything was going to be okay. But he wasn't so sure himself. He stayed where he sat, not sure if Dan wanted his space or not. 

"I say we read up about this whole marriage thing first. We still have the whole of today. Let's find out more on what we can do, whether it's official-"

"And if it is?" Dan's lip quivered slightly. "Then what?"

"Then," Phil said slowly. "We'll apply for a divorce."

That word echoed across the room, filling up space until all they could hear was the word 'divorce', ringing shrilly in their ears. 

"I..." Dan pulled his legs to his body, suddenly looking small. Phil fought every fiber in his body from lunging at him to smother him in hugs, kisses, and reassurance. "This is so bad," Dan said, placing his head on his knees. "This isn't how I..." Dan looked up and his eyes glistened with tears. "Phil, this is bad."

"No no," Phil quickly rushed to Dan's side, pulling him to his chest. "Listen, we'll figure it out, okay? Whatever it is, we'll figure it out. We always do, right?"

Dan wiped his eyes and smiled. "It's just, is it embarrassing that I don't want to divorce you? Even though that was probably the shittiest wedding ever?" Dan laughed a little.

"Well," Phil smiled, kissing his head. "Can't say I don't agree with you. We could have definitely done better."

"Yeah? How so?" Dan smiled back.

"Well, firstly, I would've proposed to you."

"Tell me more."

Phil smiled and proceeded to spin a fairytale of what he thought would be the best proposal known to mankind, and it involved video games, ordering food, and just them being by themselves. Nothing too extravagant. Something simple, something private, something just for them.

"That sounds nice," Dan said quietly. "Nothing too flashy, you know."

"I know," Phil said, playing with Dan's hair.

"Would you have actually done that?" Dan asked, looking up at Phil.

Phil chuckled. "Well, yeah, but it would've been a surprise, so now I'll have to come up with a better plan to propose to you."

"Unless I propose to you first."

"Would you?"

"Yeah." Dan grinned. 

"Alright, then, how would you do it?" Phil smirked. 

Dan released himself from Phil's hug. "Nuh uh, it'll be a surprise." He lifted himself off the bed and stretched.

"No fair." Phil pouted.

"Nothing's fair, love," Dan said as he leaned in close to kiss Phil on his head.

Phil looked up to Dan who was smiling now. That made him happy. "You feeling better?"

"Yeah, much," Dan said softly. "Thanks. Now let's go figure this shit out."

"Right."

But Phil couldn't focus. All he could think about was a new plan on how he could propose to Dan. Maybe the Manchester Eye? Would that be too cheesy?

Maybe.

Would Dan love it regardless?

Definitely.

Phil watched as Dan tried to straighten out the crumpled up wedding certificate. Sure, they got married in Vegas, but it didn't really count as a _real_ marriage. At least to him. 

After all, what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.


End file.
